Monday, 16 October 2017

Flower Maze!

https://www.pinterest.nz/pin/569212840394119696/

If you lose your way, trapped in a never ending maze while being attacked with razor blades and you don't think this is just a faze turning crazed in feeling like you have no say, stuck in a rut not giving a fuck and shit out of luck for the billionth time this month though right now just take my hand and trust that this life won't always suck and someone is always near to help you up even when you gravely fear there is no exit out of here and extinction of your existence seems like the only reasonable resistance but please hold on to the fact it can all change easily in an instance.

The door will turn up and unlock even if you think it may not after tripping over large rocks and going back to knock on what clearly is in flames and can't be tamed, falling down once again to lying on the floor feeling completely and utterly raw, engulfed in flaws and truly thinking there is no more but I urge you to try just another time and to repeat that last line again and again and to sing out in your need for help especially if you jump in blind faith and can't seem to take the apprehension of the decision of unknown fate desperately wishing this ain't going to turn into checkmate.


Eventually and unexpectedly a way out will come to fruition however make sure to follow your intuition and beware the path through it might not always be as anticipated which can of course leave you feeling frustrated, though 
a walk down a darkened cold corridor will make you wise beyond it all and in good time you'll be flawed at the true opening that's been sprinkled with blooming rewards and brand new wings ready to soar. 

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Monday, 18 September 2017

Step By Step

https://nz.pinterest.com/pin/509399407835302469/

When life fell apart and depression took its grip I lost the feeling of achieving things even when I did keep pushing forward nothing ever felt like it was enough and even when I wrote little accomplishments down they still often didn't feel like enough. I was harsh on myself at a lot of points until it got to points where I felt so numb yet in so much pain that I just couldn't care and I just didn't have anything in me anymore along with my other mental illnesses wrapping around my mind even tighter and feeling like I was incapable of change and moving forward. Being so harsh on myself and feeling like I couldn't stop myself from doing so hurt me more and helped to keep me in the dark and drowning. 

Over the last few years I turned down the idea of going back to study as the idea lots of course work and assignments was daunting as it can mean more stress and for me that can mean more triggers for my mental health especially in a time when it's already really triggered off. I felt like anything too much was going to crumble me into a tiny million pieces yet where I was in my life was too incredibly triggering and not working for me... in a moment of I can't keep doing this and I'm getting no where I decided to try and reminded myself to take it one step at a time.

It's still early days but so far it's been good and with having self directed course work and assignments I've started setting little but achievable goals such as doing a 1/3 of a study work book one day or answering a few questions to an assignment another day, breaking it all down into comprehensible pieces making it all not feel so overwhelming, slowly chipping away at what needs to be done which actually ends up getting it done pretty quick without ruining myself in the process, letting it be enough and getting back to having a sense of accomplishment, being kind to myself, learning lots of fascinating things and making me feel it's possible once again to come back up out of the dark.

Sometimes you need tiny little goals that you know for sure are manageable and achievable, it doesn't matter how small as long as it works for you and your well-being at the time- down the line you may find making those goals bigger an important and exciting step to make. Though please let those small goals be enough for the times they need to be because they can help be a light out of whole lot of darkness and help you not to drown so much.

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Friday, 15 September 2017

August Favourites!

https://www.facebook.com/butchartgardens/photos/pcb.10154949640981295/10154949836476295/?type=3&theater
With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Monday, 11 September 2017

Moonlight

https://nz.pinterest.com/pin/569212840393816414/

Tonight is the night we pick up all this pain up off the floor and keep moving forward, strengthening this fight to make the world better than before cause we say no fucking way to another one dead and gone. Fed to the demon darkness of galaxies beyond, so we shed tears and light upon the years helping others to beware that somebody cares and shattering fears just by being there while reminding that it is all going to be alright in the long sight along with informing those that don't actually know and by doing so creating a glow of hope above all else helping us all to cope, forming love, birthing doves and guiding us through the paths that we once roamed incredibly alone.

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo